...I see you standing there
wanting more from me
and all I can do is try
then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I could ever do was try
try...

I got it...for Christmas!

My parents are amazing and I'm so blessed for them who support what I want to do with my life. Thank you.

...for that new camera.

I was supposed to be able to buy the 40D soon with my own money, because someone was going to have me do their wedding for $900. But, looks like that's not happening anymore. Once again, my dreams are squashed.

I'm going to try and be happier. I am going to be happier. Everyone goes through ruts, it's a part of life--especially since I'm in college. I just can't let stress get the best of me, and especially not drive me to hurt the people that are closest to me, whom I love the most in this world.

I love this song...the lyrics are such good words to live by.


Dejate llevar, por las sensaciones
Que no ocupen en tu via, malas pasiones

Esa pregunta que te haces sin responder
Dentro de ti está la respuesta para saber
Tu eres el que decide el camino a escoger
Hay muchas cosas buenas y malas, elige bien
Que tu futuro se forma a base de decisiones
Y queremos alegrarte con estas canciones

Y ahí estás tu, tu...
Y ahí estás tu, tu...

Y es que yo canto porque a mi me gusta cantar
También tu bailas porque a ti te gusta bailar, tu...
Y es que yo canto porque a ti te gusta escuchar
Lo que yo canto porque así se puede bailar, tu ...
Y ahí estás tu...

Canto por el día, y en mañanas da alegría
Canta tu conmigo si quieres conmigo canta
Canto por las noches, cuando el lorenzo se esconde
Canta tu conmigo, si quieres conmigo canta
Canto pa los pobres que temprano se levantan
Canta tu conmigo, si quieres conmigo canta

Y ahí estás tu...
Y a mi me gusta como bailas, tu...
Toa baila, toa bailar

The song is "Ahi Estas Tu" By Chambao. They're an amazing neo-Flamenco group that I've been so absorbed in recently. If you check them out and like them, then you must also check out Concha Buika--an Afro-Spanish flamenco singer who is just as incredible.

In other news, I submitted my portfolio to the Visual Arts program. Funny story though...

On the date of portfolio reviews, if you are going to hand in your portfolio manually, you must turn it in to the Fine Arts building on campus between 8:30 and 9:30 AM. So, I worked on it a lot the day before to finish it up by the morning. But, I drove my girls to the club that night (I didn't have the urge to go with them), but I had to stay up until at LEAST 2:30 'cos the club closed at 2 and I had to pick them up. So, I went and picked them up, but when we got back, we ended up staying up until almost 4 in the morning. I set my alarm for 8:30 the next morning and went to sleep. Well, turns out my phone was on silent all night, and so I didn't hear my alarm...because it was SILENT. I ended up waking up at 9:40--I looked at the clock, and my roommate, Gaby, woke up at the same time. We both looked at each other and I scrambled out of bed almost falling on the floor in my gym shorts and beater, and Gaby told me to just grab my shoes and my portfolio and run to Fine Arts, because the deadline was 9:30 AM. So, I throw on my flats, grab my red ID, my portfolio and an umbrella (It was raining), and bolt out of my room in a mad dash for the FA building. Once I get there, I'm completely out of breath (I'm a bit out of shape), and I run to the second floor to the room where they are supposed to be turned in. I show up at the door and the two ladies just look at me puzzled and I utter "Is it too late?" The one lady said no and took the portfolio from me--the other, looking a bit disgruntled and unimpressed at my inability to submit my work on time, asked me what concentration I was submitting for. I muttered, "Photography", and a subdued smile grew on her lips in approval as she said "Oh, wonderful!" They bid me farewell and I was on my way.

Not much of a point to that story, it just adds to my never-ending streak of bad luck that I just so happen to get away with. Haha.

Why do I feel like giving up on everything? What is this inexplicable depression that I have? One minute I'm fine and happy...the next I'm crying and I want to go home. I feel numb. Like I don't even care anymore. What happened? What is happening to me?